


A secret admirer?

by guren666



Category: GamingFelix - Fandom, LottiLein - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Gen, Overcoming rejection and moving on, Quality angst with a side dish of happy ending, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 14:41:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11255046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guren666/pseuds/guren666
Summary: Felix comes upon a promising youtuber who just started and he sees her potential, watching out for her uploads. Over time, he realizes he might feel something for her, but she has no idea about him. So when opportunity presents itself on a livestream where he meets her, Felix decides to tell her.





	A secret admirer?

Everything was fine. It could be worse, could be better. His Yandere Simulator fanbase was pretty decent. He streamed on Twitch, where he played a wide variety of games (and Yandere Simulator was still banned on Twitch), winding off after recording & editing.

He still remembered how he started, thinking he’ll never get past 1k or he’ll quit youtube by then. Strangely, he’s still doing it. At first it was a hobby, but now it was turned into a job. Being a youtuber, one would think ladies would be lining up, since he’s kinda famous now.

If he was to be truthful, he had an eye on someone. She was possibly younger. He first saw a Yandere Simulator mod showcase by her – namely LottiLein.

She must have started youtube recently, but she was good at it. Usually, after he was done with work, he would just sit down and watch her videos, over and over.

Some might say he was crushing on her, but he wasn’t so sure. Felix was admiring her, nothing else. Right, right?

 

* * *

 

A few weeks later…

 

 

Felix had to admit it.

Through their acquaintances he came upon a stream of a mutual… friend(?) and there he saw her in the live chat. She was chatting with people. How can he just speak up to her? He might come off as… strange at best.

No, he should get to talking with everyone… so he typed in:

_Hi everyone! How are you doing on this fine day?_

 

He got back only a few replies, but still better than nothing. Lotti (he thought that was her name or part of her name) didn’t say anything to him and his hopes were dashed.

Shaking off his disappointment, he stayed a bit longer for the livestream. Someone put in a Discord link to a server of theirs. Felix bobbed head to a side, pondering. Should he join? There is a good chance Lotti will be there. Should he…?

His mouse hovered above the link. He sighed and right clicked, opening the link in another tab. After creating a username, he left both Discord and the livestream.

Tapping on his knees, he was too deep in thoughts. A few minutes later, he broke out of his trance, staring blankly at his computer desktop.

This gets him nowhere. If he wants to talk to her, he should start. The sooner, the better. He clicked on Discord app again, checking his own server, what was new; then he went to the server he joined and found her in the list.

Messaging her in private DMs… isn’t it too bold?

Considering all the cons and pros, he settled on writing to Lotti. His fingers typed the message automatically, as if he did it million times before.

_Hello! I have been watching your progress on Youtube. From what I gathered, you’re talented and your videos make my day after I finish with editing. You’re really inspiring and I want you to know you have a fan (me xD_ _) and even though your channel is still small, I can see your potential. I’m looking forward to the next update of Yandere Simulator and how you’ll cover it._

When he sent it, he felt shivers running down his spine. And it wasn’t due to the cold. Lotti wasn’t responding and probably won’t respond soon. She’s watching the stream he left.

“What am I doing? What am I hoping for?” He asked himself, rhetorically. He knew what he was doing; and it would end catastrophically but some things men just have to do; this was one of them.

Instead of waiting around for her to reply back, he went to do something dire – clean up his room.

 

* * *

 

One hour later…

 

 

Tremendously tired, he fell back in his chair, noticing a pop - up in the Discord DMs. His heart picked up as he clicked on the message, scanning her message. She was polite and sweet.

 

_Thank you! I know I am quite new to Youtube and you’ve some years under your belt, so I really appreciate your praise. I never thought bigger youtubers would ever watch my videos. This is a rather pleasant surprise. I don’t know what else to say, only thanks xD_

Felix grinned, typing: _Hey, no problem! If you ever feel like it, contact me on either here or on Twitter and maybe we can do collabs together._

 

She replied back much faster this time.

_Maybe when I make a bigger name for myself. I don’t want this to look as if I am using you._

 

Felix blinked. 

Using him? Who would ever think that?

He didn’t really know her, but it sounded like something she would say. But it didn’t stop him from feeling suspicious. On the other hand… what she just doesn’t want to collaborate with him and this is her courteous way of saying no…?

 

_I understand, but remember that you’ve a fan. You better grow your channel soon so we can do something together._

And he sent it. After rereading, he realized it came out differently, like he couldn’t wait for them to work together… and she was already replying. A big sigh escaped his mouth, as he buried head in hands.

“Oh crap.” He muttered.

He dreaded what Lotti could write, but he had to see. There was no backing out now.

 

_Thanks, but collabs are waaaay too far in the future. I am a perfectionist and I don’t think recording with another person is possible for me right now. Also, um why did you decide to text message me? Are you really such a big fan or does it have to do with something else?_

 

“Oh – oh. She is sharp. Way too sharp.” He said, thinking of ways how to lie. He was halfway done, typing almost a paragraph of well – thought out lie, but then he changed his mind, deleting it. Instead, he wrote what was on his mind, suddenly brimming with bravery.

_The truth is, I admire you. It’s on par to love, but I wouldn’t call it ‘love’. I am not sure what I feel when I hear your voice. Whenever I see your new videos in my inbox, I am giddy and excited for it._ _I know you never saw this coming, but I had to say this. No matter what, I will remain your fan._

 

Mildly shaking and anxious, he waited for her to respond. “This might be a mistake, but I had to do this.”

Two minutes later, he got another icon pop – up. He knew what was most likely coming, but there was no point in crying over spilt milk. Felix clicked her icon, shutting his eyes momentarily before he saw the inevitable.

_I am sorry, but I barely know you. You sound like a nice guy, but I am just not interested in relationships in general. I have school to think of and many important matters at hand. This is too sudden, I am sorry but I can’t accept your feelings. Please bear in mind, I’m not disliking you now or anything. We can still continue on being like this, acquaintances/friends, but I don’t think it will ever develop into anything romantic. I hope you find someone who loves you and you forget about a girl who can’t reciprocate your honest feelings. I’m sorry._

Felix finished reading the lengthy note, his heart sank. He knew it would happen, but he still felt bad. He didn’t want it to end like this, with faint animosity wafting from the words. Felix got over his grief, typing in a short sentence.

_It’s okay and don’t worry._

Then before she could (more like if she would react) he closed the Discord app, turning off his pc. Standing up, he mindlessly staggered out of his studio to the bedroom.

He’ll get through this. This was nothing more just a simple crush, he’ll muddle through and carry on. Suddenly overcome with crushing negativity he collapsed on the bed.

Felix dragged covers over himself, getting more comfortable as he curled into a ball position, enveloped in the warm, welcoming warmth.

He laid in bed, just thinking about why it happened and why it was bound to happen.

Maybe if he waited longer, actually got to know, she would reply differently… but now it was too late. Sighing, he curled up some more, drifting to sleep. Slumber came sometime later, while he was thinking about what ifs. 

It’s as he said it; there is no use crying over spilt milk. He teared up, holding back the sobs. Damn it, fickle heart you should have chosen wiser!

 

Hour later, he cried himself to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

When he woke up again, he felt even worse than before, but ready to tackle the day and keep on smiling even if he didn’t feel like it. His subscribers don’t need to know he’s under the weather.

Hopefully, things will get better.

With a bit of time, he’ll be back to his former self.

He clasped hands, heading for his studio. Time to record some videos.

 

_~ THE END ~_


End file.
